Monday, October 17, 2005

Mirrors (Press)

Those eyes
once green
and bright,
now cold as
my hands,
dark as

Their shine gone
dull and distraught,
their tears
have fallen away
as my soul
has been drained
of its once
sparkling waters
off of which
will not glint


Anonymous said...

"Distraught" is a cumbersome word choice for that line--I get caught up on it instead of flowing through the poem. Is there something else that could capture the essence of that word, but that fits better into the form of the line/verse?

Hilachita said...

I like distraught, but I got confused at the very beginning

Hilachita said...

Sorry my last post didn't really make sense... What I mean is that it sounds like you are holding your or someone else's eyes? I don't know if that's what you meant to convey, but it kinda tripped me up. The second stanza is really awesome, though!

pinkroses said...

I ALSO like the word distraught. I really like this poem. You're poems are the best eva! lol, love you lots! Keep writing these wonderful poems.