Monday, October 17, 2005

The Crimson Room, Part 4. (press, address)

The room, once cheerful
is crimson
my body, barely able to move
is immersed in crimson
and all I want to do
is get out
I cannot use any of my senses
for what can I see but crimson?
what can I feel but crimson?
what can I taste but crimson?
what can I hear but the movement of crimson?
what can I smell but crimson?
There is nothing but me
and crimson
So to get out I have to think
to open my eyes
I have to travel with my mind
back to when I was carefree
when the walls were green, the desk and soft shag rug white, the bed blue
before I was ever haunted by crimson
when laughs were abundant
when friends were always there
when someone could hold you for what seemed like forever
but wait
(it's all coming back to me now)
the crimson surrounding my weak body
(the pain of a love once lost)
once leaving me just enough room to breathe
(the torture of a child's innocence)
is taking back its offer of kindness
(the anguish of the loss of a family member)
it's filling up again
(the hate in the eyes of those who once respected me)
I can't breathe
(the rough feel of the noose in my hands)
my soul is leaving again
(the scared look in the eyes of a visitor to my death-room)
and I have to stop
(the panicked screams of my colleagues)
or I will wither away
(the wet tears streaming down my face)
and it will all be over
(I don't want it to be over)
But it can't be
(the noose is around my neck but)
I want to live
(I want to live)
...
There has to be a way out
the Crimson has filled to the top
no oxygen in the room
I cannot breathe
but it won't end like this
the crimson won't end my life
these bloodshot eyes will have white in them once again
once I can
forgive

Wow. I am getting really morbid...ah well. I like this part alot, although I think it's beginning to drag with the whole almost dying thing (or does the speaker die? hehe I guess you'll find out). I love suspense, but am I doing a good job here? Anyway, again, all comments are SUPER welcome, and please, be mean (constructively, of course), I want this to be the best it can be. Thanks!

4 comments:

esperanza said...

SWEET!!! Those last lines really explain the whole series. Is this the last one? I really like the lines in parentheses - this technique adds a sort of secondary plot/thought process to the poem. I love these! You will have to explain all the meaning to me one of these days. Is it a nightmare? That would seem obvious, but the whole thing could be a metaphor or even reality ... I don't know! You tell me.

Hilachita said...

I love how near the end you bring in why the crimson won't leave

Hilachita said...

ok so I went way back when, to the good old days, and read The Crimson Room, part 1. And then I read part 2. and part 3. So now I'm back to comment on this one as The Crimson Room; The Series. (lol). Anyway, you said to be mean, so I tried to read it as meanly as possible. So I have to say, the word crimson starts to sound and look really funny after seeing it so many times. So I would say find other ways to describe it and be less redundant, but not less effective. So past the mean stuff. After reading it again, the mystery of the author's metaphor hangs over the reader as the crimson rises and falls and the narrator reacts to its mass and strength. SO it was very satisfying to get a hint of what was perhaps actually going on through those subtle parentheses. I really loved what you do with the parentheses by the way. Generally parentheses/thinking are reserved for the deep metaphor (or sidenote) while regular typing/speaking are for what's actually happening and being discussed. In your poem, you switch those roles, making the regular typing the metaphor and the parentheses a hint of what's actually happening

Anonymous said...

this poem is super intense. It reminds me of Jane Eyre, the scene where she is locked up in the red room and feels those walls closing in on her. Great teasing out of the implications of crimson -- the word haunts by the end of the poem.
a book lover