Monday, October 17, 2005

The Crimson Room, Part 3. (Press)

The crimson has risen
and coated the room
as well as the fragile being
that lies within its terrorizing grasp
myself
a dead soul, a dying body
but a living, barely thriving mind
and then
the room
so carefully molded to be the hell one person sees
is invaded
the smallest of all things
a thought
of after
of the return to the rooms normal state
the white desk, soft, white shag rug, blue bedspread, green walls
of my body being carried away
my face, arms, legs, even my deep brown eyes and hair
and, my soul
stained a dreadful shade of crimson
my mind sees crimson
and in one instant
a single, solitary, moment
it happens.
A finger moves.
The finger leads its peers and soon
my body gains motion
my eyes open and consciousness is regained
the soul is reborn
I start to fall, not resisting
The crimson fluid
starts to drain and soon has gone down to
the point of breath
but the fluid is still there, and I am still frozen
it's like molasses
I must move, must leave this place
using my senses, but I cannot see
all I can do is remember

hehe, I love this sequence (even though it's kinda creepy and gross). No, it's not over. More comments please! I'm still working on revising the other two parts, and I'll show the whole thing together once it's done. But, to save space, I might just edit the earlier posts. Anyway, anything you have to say is GREATLY appreciated. Again, this part doesn't seem to flow well with the other two, and this one took me the longest to write (this is the third draft of it, and I didn't save the other two, so yeah), and it didn't just come to me like the other two parts did. Oh well. =D

6 comments:

esperanza said...

I still like this series of poems, but "bieng" is spelled "being." Great imagery and word choice!

Grumpy as Always said...

I think that it flows fine with the others. I think that out of the three it is my favorite keep up the good writing

La Maestra said...

Don't worry about saving space. It's unlimited! Plus I think it's interesting to be able to go back and look at the original posts, pre-revision. Just add the word "revised" in the newer posts, to show that it's a more recent version. :)

Hilachita said...

I agree with la maestra - don't mess with your other posts!
I like this part of the room a lot - especially the description of the crimson as being like molasses! I also love how your soul is stained by the crimson!! ^^

achoo said...

Hehe, it's sad when you make stupid mistakes like esperanza pointed out. Thanks, I'll definetly change that...thanks for your other complements, you're kind! I'm working on the fourth part right now, and I think I'll have it done tonight, but I'm not sure.

esperanza said...

Don't feel bad! Everyone makes mistakes! I'm just a crazy perfectionist - most people probably wouldn't notice it anyway. That whole "molasses" thing gives a really potent image. Nice! :D