Sunday, October 16, 2005

The Crimson Room, Part 2. (press) (READ PART ONE FIRST!!!)

The room is Crimson
the walls, the furnishings
are crimson
And the floor is choking
with it's strong new essence
a thick liquid
I am there
on the floor
laying lifelessy
watching the crimson slowly rise
It tries to consume me
to swallow me
alive, for it does not know
Then, in a split second, my abilities return
I drag my body,
it's dripping in the thick liquid
Sitting up straight, I look at my hands
stained forever
who's is this?
it can't be mine, I'd surely be dead
I stand up, and run over to the mirror
a frightening sight
myself
covered in this liquid
I fall to the floor again
and again
it tries to consume me
swallow me
the crimson liquid
surrounds me; I cannot move
and then I realize
"It is mine."
as my body lay there
my soul is dead
and I drown in my own
blood.

I don't know about this...I just don't really like it. There's something about it that just doesn't work...

4 comments:

Hilachita said...

wow, achoo! thats seriously depressing! and kinda gross... Maybe include more metaphors to go along with the crimson or more emotion relating to the crimson and pre-crimson room

esperanza said...

That's pretty cool, although the second time you say "thick liquid," maybe you should replace it with something else, just for variation. That's pretty creepy but good. What is the deeper meaning?

achoo said...

actually this poem was inspired by a poem I read somewhere elso online, and I guess the deeper meaning is drowning in your own regrets...but I'm not sure. This is definetly one of my favorite poems, and I will be revising it so thanks for your helo!v

achoo said...

whoa tons of typos...
*else
*help
*I don't know about the v